How to alienate friends and family

• Insist on reciting religious prayer every time a tragedy is broadcasted on TV or radio
• Wear safety gear when you get together for sports or physical activities
• Refuse to wear the remnants of any dead animal
• Forget their birthday and tell them it is not relevant to you since time is circular
• Start laughing in a high shrill
• Start citing sources during arguments, and doing finger `quote-unquotes'
• Roll down your window and scream obscenities at other drivers for committing traffic violations
• When taking notes in class, make sure to write down what the professor says word-for-word. If you are not sure about something, open discussion on "exactly" what was said with nearby students
• Argue vehemently with everything in pursuit of 'The Truth'
• Get drunk at the Christmas party and whisper into grandma's ear
• Lecture them every time you see them doing something unhealthy. Remain calm and professional
• Purposely run over fresh road kill and say, "what? They're dead already"
• Explain how you are a real environmentalist because you don't waste water on meaningless things like personal hygiene, and appearance
• Start farting and burping after meals to aid digestion
• Swerve at bicyclists and yell at them, "can't afford a car? hahaha"
• Make sure there were no low paid workers, or animals harmed in the production of your meals or clothes
• Give out candy on Halloween selectively, based on quality of costume. Hand them written evaluations.
• Tell everyone how they have it easy, compared to migrant Mexican laborers
• Litter the edge of your neighbor's yard with beer bottles and cigarette butts, ask them if they wouldn't mind contaminating the edge of your property with their lawn chemicals
• Bring children back to their parents in supermarkets and tell them you caught the thief trying to steal your car stereo
• Bring cheap hookers to family gatherings, explain how you are helping them overcome their sexual repression's
• Kidnap pets and return them when the reward purse is large enough
• Yell out "lies, all lies" during your professor's lectures
• Call the local police department and tell them you think your neighbor is building a bomb. Using lawn fertilizer..